Oh God...Am I Old?

A couple of weeks ago, I was working extra in my last week as a Certified Pharmacy Technician (or CPhT, if you want some free trivia with your reading) at Heartland Behavioral Health Services. I know, riveting, right? Anyway, we were going live with this new MedDispense system, and things were a little pretty damn stressful that day.

But two things turned my day around. The first was this really amazing coffee I was drinking. I mean, it was delicious. Dunkin' Donuts brand, coconut-flavored. It smelled incredible. I really, really love flavored coffees. Not the kind you add flavored creamer to, but the kind that are just flavored right out of the bag. Recently I saw a Peach Cobbler flavor. I love peach cobbler. But I wasn't prepared to commit to that weirdness. Come on, man. And then I was like, hey. You loved the jelly donut flavor. You loved the cake donut flavor. Donuts and cobbler are like, your favorite foods. So, using my brand of logic, I should love cobbler-flavored coffee.

But, just no. Not yet.

Okay, fine. I've also grown partial to flavored creamers in cases involving unavoidable, non-flavored-coffee situations. The two I love at the moment are Almond Joy and Brown Butter Sugar. Holy cow. Hey, and here's another aside to the aside...the best snow ice cream recipe I've ever had is the one in which you just take snow and a jug of your favorite flavored creamer and mix. No need for any of that extra stuff like vanilla or sugar, although I'm sure they would TOTALLY enhance your snow ice cream experience. But trust me on this one.

Anyway, back to the original point, which I almost lost. The coffee made for a happier morning, but by early afternoon I was back to full-blown stress mode. And then I remembered that I had a date that evening with my former advisor and thesis chair from Pitt State. That in itself was exciting, but even more exciting was the fact that, in addition to discussing writing, we would also be partaking in Wine Wednesday. And I love wine.

That's what stopped me cold. Because, you see, I used to hate both coffee and wine. I didn't drink either, ever, at all. What started the gradual change to my current coffee-loving status was the fact that it was free and readily available in Career Services when I was a Graduate Assistant. The first day I had a small cup, in February 2013, I felt like I could run down the stairs, outside, around the building, and back up the stairs for easily the remainder of the day. I felt INCREDIBLE...for about 27 minutes. Then I was normal again. But oh, those 27 minutes! They're like the best happy little pocket of time ever. So I kept doing that, because I'm a thrill-seeker that way.

About 13 months later, I started to write my thesis.

Writing a thesis seemed like a no-brainer to me. There were three options in my graduate program. I could write a thesis, do some sort of huge creative project, or take comprehensive exams.

I hate exams, and I really didn't feel up to producing a play or creating an event, and I love to write. Thesis, all the way.

The research took place over three days. The writing took place over three weeks.

The revising took place over three months.

Three months of hell. Three months of "Nope, you still aren't getting it" emails from my advisor. Three months of me thinking that comps sounded like heaven.

But at the end, my advisor told me, we would celebrate with wine.

Yuck. I don't even like wine, childish, internal-fit-throwing me thought, mentally kicking a chair leg and pouting with my bottom lip out and my arms crossed.

But I agreed, because any kind of celebration would mean I was done with that stupid thesis.

And finally the day arrived. I was done, and I only needed the required signatures. It was time to celebrate.

As I knew nothing about wine, my advisor ordered for us when we arrived at the restaurant, and while we waited, she made me a list of wines. She started with the most mild, the fruitiest, the girliest, and worked her way down to the hard-core wine for hard-core winers. Or whatever they're called. She made two columns, one for white and one for red. She told me that when she got back from her summer trip, she expected me to have found the bottom of the list.

I got stuck on Riesling, and had no desire to move further down. But the point is, I was enjoying wine. And by enjoying, I mean I had it probably a total of four times over the course of three months. But still.

So, fast-forward back to the day when I got excited about coffee and wine. Right after I identified my excitement, the horror descended.

Oh, my God, I thought. I'm OLD!

I knew I was old, because I loved coffee and wine.

I used to love pop and vodka. I used to love energy drinks. I used to never drink actual water. Drinking it made me feel like I was going to throw up. It actually did.

And now my days were coffee in the morning and water all day and evening. And the occasional wine. And I was HAPPY about this?

I was EXCITED about a day that involved coffee and wine? Who WAS I? Was this tied in to turning 40 next year?

Ultimately, I decided to stop being a whiner, and embrace being a winer.

And that evening, we had a really, really good something. It was some kind of wine, from a little further down on the list than Riesling.

I'm getting hardcore. And old. But mostly? Hardcore.