I REALLY Love Food.

Today, my colleagues and I were discussing some work-related things in a very intellectual way. But in between those quick conversations, we talked about dumpsters. It doesn't matter why we were talking about dumpsters, mainly because I don't remember. However, the topic of eating out of dumpsters was broached.

I have been guilty of eating food directly off of floors. In high school, I used to do it as a dare. Double points for hoovering it directly off of the floor with my mouth. I was young and dumb, and I loved the looks of disgust and awe I would see on the faces of those in whatever class I was in when I did it. I was a weird kid.

Now, as the manager of a movie theater, I try to be a little more discerning. However, if there is a full bag of individually wrapped Reese's peanut butter miniatures, and it's on top of the pile, I mean, who DOES that? Was it an accident? Were you angry? Did you hate the person who bought them? Was it a date gone wrong? Was it your spouse, and oh my GOD, for the thousandth time, you asked for Reese's Pieces, he knows that, he only bought the cups because that's what HE likes, and he knew you'd just give them to him like you always do, but you've been listening to a lot of Pink on Pandora at work, and you don't have to put up with the man bringing you down anymore, because you're fine and sassy. I don't pretend to know your life. I just know that I'm not going to let a full bag of individually wrapped candy go to waste. Not once. Not ever. That also goes for Starburst, because they're the other individually wrapped candies we have.

Now, eating food out of a dumpster is a little different. Still, if there was a dumpster behind a bakery, I would totally check that out hard. Because, you know? I mean, what if they threw a whole pie in there? And like, I knew that they had JUST thrown it in. I would probably have to at least look it over.

These are issues I've always had. I remember going to a two-day seminar with a couple of girls in 2009 for work. We got there too late to eat at the motel restaurant, but as we were turning to leave I saw a whole pizza sitting, abandoned, on the bar. I asked the bartender nonchalantly whose pizza that was, and he said it was his, but he hadn't had time to eat it and it was cold, and he was just going to throw it out. I asked him if I could have it. He gave it to me. I ate it. Who cares, free pizza, amirite? But when I saw the looks on the faces of my co-workers, I thought, maybe I have a problem.

It's not a problem to the point where I take food off of abandoned tables at restaurants. But it IS a problem to the point where I THINK about taking food off of abandoned tables at restaurants.

So back to the conversation with my co-workers. I said that I would TOTALLY eat out of a dumpster at a bakery. Well, I clarified it to be either a pie shop or a donut place. But let's be honest, I would eat a cupcake out of a dumpster. If it was a fancy cupcake with a lot of frosting and it was still in a box. But when someone else threw out the idea of chicken wings, I had to draw the line. That's meat, man. There's like, bacteria issues in a dumpster meat situation that wouldn't be as present in a dumpster pie situation. Probably. I don't know.

And that's really where I'm at on that. And also, I really, really like pie. And donuts.