Gender Equality at Last: Thank You, Bic.

Let’s face it, girls: women and men are not treated equally. Whether you want to admit it or not, it’s true. Women tend to receive less pay, fewer opportunities, and just aren’t as strong as men. Men, on the other hand, dominate nearly every category, save for sandwich-making and cleaning the house. So it has been since the beginning of time, when cavemen outclubbed their female counterparts in the very first documented Battle of the Sexes.

Ladies, we can’t change any of that, and frankly, we shouldn’t be busying our minds with something so confusing. Rather, let us focus on the best thing to happen to women since Roe v. Wade: the Bic Cristal for Her Ball Pen. Not only did the geniuses at Bic (undoubtedly men) design this pen to be smaller so that it would “fit her hand”, they also made it a more “elegant design” with pretty, pastel colors just for her!

Now, women, you’re probably thinking, “I have a lot to do around the house! This dinner isn’t going to make itself, and I have to go to the store first. There’s simply no time for something so frivolous!” But consider this: you have to make that list with some type of writing utensil, right? With the Bic for Her, it will be easier to write, as the pen doesn’t weigh as much, and you won’t be unintentionally muscling up your hand by using a man’s pen. We aren’t equal, why should our pens be?

For those of you who aren’t already blessed with such a gift to the writing world, you’re probably thinking “There is NO way my husband is going to approve this on my allowance!” Don’t overtax those pretty little skulls. When he comes home from work, go ahead and be waiting with his pipe, newspaper, drink (make it a double tonight!), and slippers, as always, but this time, maybe give him a little shoulder massage too. Then, when he’s good and relaxed, slip it in casually. Maybe something like, “Honey, I’ve been working so hard on our family calendar and grocery lists that we’re out of ink again. May I buy a new pen?” He won’t even know what hit him! Remember: women can be cunning when they need to be, and as long as you’re using said cunning to do things that make his life easier, there won’t be any problems!

Women who have been lucky enough to own these pens claim that the sleek design makes everyday tasks, like horseback riding and swimming, even easier. It’s so discreet that nobody will even notice you’re doing work! You’re sure to get lots of compliments from other women on your new accessory, and anything that makes you a desirable object to others is sure to make your husband realize he was even smarter than he thought to have put a ring on it! Tee hee.

Now go ahead and pop those cookies in the oven so that the house smells fragrant and welcoming when he comes home, slip the kids a Benadryl so they’re docile when he walks through the door, slap a fresh coat of paint on your nails, and get ready for your brand new life!

Bic for Her: Putting Women Back in Their Place.