I used to do a lot of yoga. By "a lot" I mean I did "Power Yoga - With Adrienne Reed", a series originally found on PBS that I DVR'd religiously in 2006-2008. Each session was roughly 24 minutes long, but I convinced myself, because, let's face it, if you want to believe something, it's pretty easy to believe it, that I was a true yoga girl.
When I got divorced, all of those DVR'd episodes disappeared, and so did my will to yoga. For the next five years, I halfheartedly tried to stretch about twice a year, but pretty much my desire to exercise, a desire which consumed me from my teenage years to my early thirties, was gone. It was weird.
I spent those five years trying to not gain weight and discovering flavored vodka, in that order. Not like, the whole five years, but when I think back on them, those are the two things that jump out at me.
I blame my sister for what happened next. Shannon got all up in Insanity, and eating nothing but cheese and nuts or something, and as her health reached super-human levels, she began to lightly pester me about getting in shape.
I slapped her away for a few months, but in January, to appease her, I started back with Adrienne. Four days a week at first, then five, then, based on the gentle admonitions of my SparkPeople app, I bumped it to 180 minutes a week.
I'm lazy about location. I'll yoga pretty much in any open space as long as nobody is watching.
I'm also lazy about the actual workout, and that leads us to this week.
I have a large window in my dining room (which is, let's be honest, really just an extension of the kitchen), and the view is great. I decided to do some yoga in front of it, and here is how the following 24 minutes went down.
Hey, it feels easier to stretch in the kitchen. Weird.
I need to open the curtains. I'll just do that real quick while Adrienne announces the next pose.
I hate these curtains.
I mean, they're not bad. But come on.
I wonder if those lace valances Mom gave me would work here.
The sun feels so good. I'm just going to take the curtain rod off and then after yoga I'll try the valances.
DEAR GOD. I have cellulite on my quads? It was one thing to have it on the backs of my legs, at least I couldn't see it then. DAMN YOU SUN. I couldn't see it when the curtains were down.
I'm drinking water and exercising and I still have cellulite? I may as well hustle and get those valances now while she announces the next pose. It's not like I can exercise away this cellulite. That shit's genetic.
I'll go ahead and take the curtains off the other window in here too. Then everything will match.
WHY DOES EVERY CURTAIN ROD IN EVERY HOUSE I LIVE IN HAVE TO HAVE THAT JACKED-UP JAGGED EDGE!?
*quick yoga pose*
*quick yoga pose*
I WILL jerk those valances across this jacked-up metal edge without tearing them. I WILL.
Screw it, I'll rip the lace. I hate these curtain rods and I hate this lace! I HATE IT!
*quick yoga pose*
*quick yoga pose*
Wow that sucked. But it's on! DON'T SLIDE OFF THE OTHER SIDE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP SLIDING OFF JUST LET ME PUT THIS ROD BACK ON THE WINDOW AND THEN I WILL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN. I'M SERIOUS, I WILL MOVE OUT OF THIS HOUSE HAVING NEVER TOUCHED YOU AGAIN. PLEASE JUST DON'T SLIDE OFF...thank you.
I'll just finish yoga and then do the other window.
*quick yoga pose*
*quick yoga pose*
I can't wait, I'll just do it now. I really just need my legs for this pose, anyway.
Wow. This curtain rod doesn't have a jagged edge?! I should write that down in a journal or something, commemorate that somewhere. Let me just pop this one back on the window while she's announcing the next pose...
DAMN, THAT LOOKS GOOD! The kitchen looks so much bigger! Wow. Take a picture and send it to Mom and thank her.
*quick yoga pose*
*quick yoga pose*
Damn it, this carpet needs vacuumed. I can't believe how bad this looks. The light really isn't doing my lack of vacuuming any favors.
*vacuum*
*vacuum*
Corpse pose already!? Yoga goes so much faster in here! I love it!
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