Just like that, it's over.
Sometimes, as you write the chapters of the book of your life, you don't understand that each one has to end. You might understand, in a logical way, that none of us get out of here alive.
But you don't truly process it until you have to.
It is still surreal to me, even as I complete yet another move, even as I grasp the reality that as my thirties are drawing to a close, that so too is the chapter of my life that I considered the most pivotal.
My dad frequently quoted a poem to me in my youth, called "Don't Quit." He gave me a framed copy of it some years ago, and I keep it at my bedside.
Not that I need to. The words, along with those of Rudyard Kipling's "If", are, at this stage of the game, seared into my brain.
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill.
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh
When care is pressing you down a bit
Rest if you must
But don't you quit.
It wasn't supposed to be like this, but then again, what is? How often do things play out exactly as we envisioned?
When Bill died, I turned, in my grief, to a friend who helped me to sharpen my focus while simultaneously dulling my pain.
He asked me what I wanted in life, and told me to define it specifically and in writing.
There were two things on my list.
1. To live in a loft
2. To get a job as a professor, ideally teaching writing
I thought I had it figured out, essentially. What I didn't remember was that life is what happens when you're busy making other plans.
My goal was to be out of Nevada when my son was, in August 2015.
However, I realized that it was perhaps best not to make too many decisions, too fast. I had all but officially left Nevada, and my belongings HAD officially left Nevada, when I realized that it was not yet time. As soon as I understood that, I texted a friend who owned rentals and asked if anything was open.
As it happened, he had a loft that had just become available.
And it was amazing. This is my view right now as I type.
I had also applied to a couple of places in Joplin, Freeman Hospital and MSSU. I had two interviews, and got both jobs. The first was not what I had initially thought. The second culminated in a phone call telling me that the job had been mine, but the person I would have replaced had withdrawn his resignation.
It seemed as though I wasn't meant to go quite yet.
And then, a third interview...as a professor of English Composition. As a professor who would TEACH WRITING.
"Your M.A. is in Communication, but given your various experiences and recognition of your writing, I think you may be a wonderful fit to do some adjunct teaching in our department," the email read.
The interview was five minutes long, followed by 25 minutes of discussing my thesis research. She offered me the job before I left, as an adjunct professor of two separate sections of Comp 101.
That met...in the middle of the day.
That paid...significantly less than my current salary.
It's interesting, life. There were two things I asked for, and, basing this on a technicality, I received both.
However, my Nevada time is not over. Not only because I don't want to move again, but also because life is a process. I'll start my forties here, and who even knows what will happen, but here is what I do know.
1. The donut shop is within walking distance.
2. And White Grill
3. And Dairy Queen.
Livin'. The. Dream.
Plus...
https://youtu.be/f00fgKzRtdo
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