I Wanna be a Songwriter.

I've always loved to write, whatever. And I was fine with that, with just loving to write, until Saturday night when I went to see a band play in Springfield with my friend Lori.
We got to sit in the front, and I really listened to the lyrics of the songs.
And I thought, holy shit, this guy expresses what I'm feeling pretty well.
Now, having songs that fit your mood or lyrics that describe what you're going through is certainly nothing new. That's kind of the secret to the success of a band, that question of, can people relate? Can you reach people with your words by touching something deep (or maybe not so deep) inside them that makes them think, oh my God, they GET me, and become your fans?
But in the case of the songwriter, it's not just the words. It's the music that accompanies them. If you can't grab them with your lyrics, grab them with your beat. In that perfect case, grab them with both and feel like a god.
I got a little music envy, really, watching. I can write about things, and I LOVE music. But I'm hopeless at putting them together. Ten years of piano lessons and one night of my son trying to teach me to play the guitar does not, much as I want to believe otherwise, make me a musician.
But if I were to write that song, and set it to music, the lyrics would have something to do with change, and being tired, and not believing in something anymore that you once thought was the only thing you could count on. And how you just want to leave, despite of how much it terrifies you, and about how you're too jaded to believe that people can really change but admitting that to yourself kind of makes you think you've given up on people altogether. And if you can't have a connection with people, then what have you got?
And as for the beat, I'd say I'd want it to be something angry. Well, angry in the chorus. Maybe softer in the beginning, just enough to trick a listener into thinking that it's a slow song, then hit them with it. And they're like, whoa, I didn't see THAT coming. What a multi-faceted songwriter that is! I'd like to quit my job and follow her around the country.
Whoa. Sorry. I kind of let that one get away from me. I don't think I'd want somebody actually quitting their job and following me around the country, now that I think about it. That's kind of creepy.
I feel like I should also mention that I can't sing. And by that I mean I can't sing well. So if I were the one singing, it would have to be more of a throaty, raging yell. Or a mocking, smirky, speaking-singing delivery.
Not that I've thought about it.
But definitely angry. I feel like singing and playing a song that I wrote and put music to would be so cathartic that it might even drive the anger out. Or at least abate it somewhat. Writing is cleansing, but delivering that writing with a wailing guitar and hardcore drumbeat, now that, man, THAT would be amazing.
I don't so much know what my hypothetical band would be called, or even who would be in it. One thing at a time. Don't rush me!
I just want to have a song. Just a song.