Enjoy Every Sandwich

Warren Zevon, probably most famous for his song “Werewolves of London” died on September 7, 2003 of, you guessed it, cancer. I heard the news when we were leaving my son’s seventh birthday party.

Zevon, to me, was way more than one song. Do yourself a favor and listen to some of his other greats, like “Something Bad Happened to a Clown” and “Hit Somebody!” (Yes, that is David Letterman on the chorus).

When Zevon was on Letterman, the impression was always left that they had more than a host-guest interaction. They were friends. When Letterman and Zevon spoke of his cancer, Zevon said something that has stayed with me ever since.

“I enjoy every sandwich.”

Sadly, I didn’t heed this advice until recently.

There were a couple of things that I never took for granted before that. Since 2008, I have only had custody of my son, the light of my life, 50% of the time. Of that 50%, take out school and sleep and his social activities, and I don’t even want to think about how little time we actually spend together. Thus, I soak up as much time as I possibly can. Bless him for not pushing me away.

Similarly, my husband is on the road at least a third of the year. Again, take away sleeping and my work and just time that we’re in different places, and that’s very little time that I’m with him. So, again, I soak up the time I do have with him. People have told me that it’s better for our marriage. I don’t know about that – I’d much rather spend more time with him. But I understand the point.

But now, I enjoy the everyday, mundane things. Every day I get to work with Tami, I thank God for letting me be with her again. I’m grateful for new friends, like Corie and Nathan and Miriam and Julie and Sue and Jenny. I’m grateful for all the people who check on me. I’m grateful for my family. My stepsons are amazing. So, I guess I have cancer to thank for that.

My oncologist sealed the fate of our relationship yesterday when she told my husband he was “trippin’” when he asked her to clarify a vague statement she made about my “second chemo.” I told her I was about to ask her the same thing, so I guessed that meant I, too, was “trippin’”. Then she signed my prescription “dispense as written” and I made her change it. Her sigh was so loud I almost laughed. Then her nurse told Billy that if I didn’t take eight chemos, they would not allow me to have radiation treatment until I did.

Additionally, there was a new chemo nurse yesterday. She only gave me two of my three pre-meds, and I think I know which one she forgot, because I almost lost my lunch midway through the chemo. She lectured me on not eating more before chemo and I said, “Well, don’t base my chemo on my weight then.” She rolled her eyes. Yeah, I know I’m taking the weight thing too seriously, but come on, if your chemo was based on your weight, wouldn’t you try not to gain any? Then she set my infusion rate for way too slow – two hours instead of thirty minutes on the second chemo drug. Thank God the other nurse, wise to her at that point, came to make sure it was right.

I see a new doctor in Springfield on Tuesday. It was originally for a second opinion, but now I think I just don’t want to go back to Pittsburg. It’s my body, and I feel like it should be my choice. I also can’t help but think that no matter how many treatments I get, no matter how much I put my body through or how much poison gets pumped into me, that it’s ultimately God’s will.

Finally, I want to say how thankful I am for Billy. He treats me like a queen. Like the cancer vixen I am. He makes me laugh and tells me I’m beautiful even as I sit there all bald and puffy and weepy. He listened without complaint to my cancer cd’s even though they’re full of music he doesn’t like. He held my hand yesterday and told me I better not even think about going anywhere because he needed me. “Who else,” he said, “can mismatch my socks like you do?” That’s another thing I love – he can save the moment by making me laugh. I’ll fight this for myself, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t fighting it for us too. And he did it all on his birthday. What a guy.