And Then There Was One.

All the support in the world is not enough to make me want to go to chemo. It just sucks. It’s as pleasant as something that sucks can possibly be, because of the chemo nurses. They’re amazing. They seem to genuinely care. Nonetheless, it sucks.
But we’re going to focus on all the things that didn’t suck today. First of all, when my awesome sister, Shannon, picked me up today, she had burned four cancer cd’s for me. A Going to Chemo CD (“My Little Runaway vs. I Feel Like Going Home”), a during chemo cd entitled “Hell…A Visitor’s Guide,” another one entitled “Dear Cancer, I’m Going to Make it Out Alive. So Bring It.” and finally, a relaxation-style one for the post-chemo ride home called “How to Live.” She had put a lot of time into making these, and Ryan helped a lot with input for the songs. It made what would have been an unpleasant drive (because, face it, I don’t ever want to go to chemo) very nice.
We got there, and the obstacles began. First, so many people were in the waiting room. Then, magically, a new form to fill out. Then, the wait. Then, the blood draw and the blood pressure. This time, my blood pressure was low-ish on the high end, 109/79. Whatever that is, systolic? hydraulic? diabolic? I don’t care.
When I went for the pre-chemo check with the doctor, I found out that 1)I had some kind of rash all over my back and 2)I have an irregular heartbeat. I didn’t like any of this news, but at least they weren’t concerned that I had too many things wrong to not get the chemo.
By that time I had long since ditched my wig. That’s the one place I feel like I can do that, though I noticed I was the only bald chemo person in the room. I didn’t care.
What I love about chemo…the warm blankets. The chair. The little tv. Shannon had brought games, but we didn’t end up playing. I didn’t even read. We just talked. It was nice. Tami had bought me these fancy little chocolates last night, so as soon as I had my weigh-in I went crazy. Bananas Foster – freaking amazing. Then Champagne Chocolate – didn’t really taste champagne but it was still great. Finally, Tupelo Honey. LOTS of honey. Really, really good.
Shannon got me an awesome salad (Billy had sent her instructive texts this morning for an hour. He was so worried and upset that he couldn’t be at this one. He’s awesome.) fixed with all the best salad stuff, and I inhaled that, too. And of course I sucked my ice chips to prevent mouth sores. I get sick of ice chips, but I would get more sick of mouth sores. Thus, the ice chips are a staple.
Right now, I’m just tired. Kind of stressed and depressed, but glad that I’m halfway done. The next one will be my last Adriamycin/Cytoxan, then I switch the Taxol for the last two. I want to be done. I’m ready to say, “Yeah, I had cancer. A long time ago. I beat it.” I want to tell people it can be done. Yeah, that’s the part I look forward to.