The Long Goodbye.

This is probably the hardest thing I've ever written, which is weird because I always thought it would be the easiest thing I would ever do.

All I wanted, for most of my life, was to get out of Nevada. I found myself back here in 1994 after the tiniest of hiatuses, unsure of the path I should take.  My motivation at the time was severely lacking, and before I knew it, I had bought a house with my son's father, we were engaged, and Hunter was on the way.

I was overwhelmed with love the first time I saw my son. I loved him so much, in fact, that I agreed to stay in Nevada and raise him. Our families were both here, and at the time it made sense for me to let him marinate in all of that love. I always told myself that I would stay until he was gone, and then I, too, would leave.

What I didn't know was what a dark, lonely stretch of hell his final months before moving away would be. How could I know what he would go through? How could I know all of the cataclysmic events that I would go through? How could I know that those events would culminate with me losing my best friend, first figuratively, and then literally? I couldn't. And I'm glad I couldn't. Because how much would we try if we knew the struggles lying ahead of us? Would we rise to a challenge if we knew the steps that we would have to take to meet it?

I had an initial escape plan, but the passion was lacking. The timing was off, and it was just too soon to make that commitment. I found an amazing place to live, and an amazing place to heal. I gained friendships that I had spent years lacking. I found my peace, and I found my center.

But while I was sitting and waiting and wishing for the magical time that would mean I got to leave Nevada, there were amazing things happening all around me that I discounted. 

Nevada takes care of its own. There are endless fundraisers and benefits to help people or family struggling with upheaval. When I had cancer, the outpouring of love and support I received from this community blew my mind.The women at First National Bank, which was not even my bank!, wore pink bracelets emblazoned with the words "Team Mom-Tard" (Hunter's design, naturally) to support me. That was one tiny example in six months of assistance. I received free tires from Highley Tire Center to get me back and forth to treatments. I received gas cards from Vernon County Cancer Relief for the same reason. And I had endless meals delivered to me by friends, and even virtual strangers, who just wanted to help by feeding my boys when I was too sick to do so. So, these are the things that I remember when I reflect on the four decades I spent here.

So it is now that it is time to go. Anyone who knows me knows that I always like to find lyrics befitting any life situation I may be going through, or any life situation at all, or anything. Today's selection comes from the Avett Brothers' "I and Love and You."

Load the car and write the note
Pack your bags and grab your coat

Tell the ones that need to know

One foot in and one foot back
But it don't pay to live like that

So I cut the ties and I jumped the tracks

Never to return

The truth is, Nevada will always be home. Whether or not it is time for me to go, this was my community and these are my people. I want to thank you all for a really great 40 years.

I love you guys.