What a Crock.

That's the name of the Pinterest board I have that deals exclusively with Crock Pot recipes. It's also what started me on the 30 Day Crock Pot Challenge, which was begun for the sole reason that Crock Pot cooking was made for someone like me: that is to say, someone who works a lot and feels vaguely guilty about not providing food for others in the household.

It went next-level when I realized that, sure, I pinned these Crock Pot recipes, but I had never owned my very own, as in 100% Jen-style owned, my own Crock Pot. I was like, yeah, right, what am I, Nelson Rockefeller? What do those cost, like 200 bucks?

As it turned out, I got a very respectable-looking (read: shiny) Crock for like, $24.99. It may have been $29.99. Who has time to check these days? If I had time to check that stuff, I'd probably have time to make an extensive, multi-course dinner, amirite? AMI!?

But I digress.

I can only eat so many peanut butter sandwiches (seriously, get the Peter Pan with Honey, and you don't even have to thank me. The world needs to know.) before I remember that I'm not the only one who lives in the house, and I don't want anyone else hogging my peanut butter. That eventually meant that I needed to get with the program and figure out some actual dinners.

You see, my specialty has always been, specifically and pretty much exclusively, baked desserts. Because I love them. Cakes, cookies, cobblers, assorted fruity, sweetened breads, and pies have always been my forte. They're delicious in every single stage, which puts them far above and beyond entrees.

One of the two to five dishes I had mastered in my time as a lackluster maker of dinners was Crock Pot lasagna, so that was my starting point. Then I thought, hey, remember that Pinterest board you have that's all about the Crock? Then I broached the subject with Hunter by casually asking him how he felt about white chili.

He was super pumped, and then took it extreme-style, saying that we had to ONLY have meals from the Crock Pot for the next 30 days. I negotiated, and it was altered to we (as in, I) could only prepare Crock Pot-based dinners for the next 30 days. Any other meal, we could slam sandwich-style, or just eat Monster Slim Jims, or whatev.

Meal Number One: White Chili

It called for white corn, which I could not for the life of me find. I tried to pass off hominy as white corn, which did not fool Hunter at all. I also broke our can opener trying to prepare this meal, which led to a mini breakdown and me briefly but passionately stabbing the top of a can of beans with a knife before realizing that 1) I was probably going to hurt myself and 2) It wasn't working.

I now own three can openers.

Meal One:

It earned a 9/10 on the Hunter Scale of Crock Judgment.

Meal Two: Chicken Bacon Ranch Breasts

This started as a recipe from Pinterest that pretty much involved chicken breasts, butter, and a lot of ranch dressing mix. I decided that looked kind of boring, and wrapped each chicken breast in bacon, then threw a bunch of green onions on top. It made the whole thing more colorful, anyway.

Where I messed up: temp too high, for too long. The chicken basically fell apart. Hunter initially rated this a 6 out of 10, which was harsh by my estimation, because I have absolutely no taste in food. I will eat out of a trash can, and I have, many times (if the candy is individually wrapped, is it really inedible?), so to me, it was pretty good.

He later changed his rating to a number that was a hybrid of 6 and 7, because, as he said, it was pretty good once it had simmered itself into a soup after several hours.

Meal Two:

Meal Three: Crockpasta

Crockpasta was my fancy name for what would have been crock pot lasagna if I had lasagna noodles on hand.

I did not. What I did have was rigatoni. But I had the other ingredients, so I thought hey, who cares?
I threw it together in the morning, thinking it would be just about perfectly done when Hunter got home from school.

I put it on high.

He came home from school. Then he left again. I say that he didn't check it, he says that he did and it wasn't done.

What ended up happening was that it sat, on high, for a couple of hours too long. And there was pasta involved. And sauce.

The official rating on the Scale of Crock Judgment said it all: "What happened?"

I still ate all of the sausage, in shame, directly from the Crock Pot, with a spoon because it was closer. I didn't even have the dignity to get a fork.

There is no picture of crockpasta, and justifiably so.

Meal Four: Chicken Cordon Bleu

Chicken Cordon Bleu was one of my staples in the tiny, tiny collection of dinners that I could make without having to remember ingredients or look anything up. That's because it's pretty much the easiest thing ever.

However, I had never made it in the Crock. I always baked it, in a covered dish. There were toothpicks involved.

I asked Hunter, and he remained firm on the rule that the 30 day Crock Pot Challenge meant that every dinner had to be in the Crock Pot.

I considered baking it, then dumping it in the Crock and saying, "Welp, all done!"

It would have probably worked. But I would know I was a big, fat cheater.

Turns out it was easier in the Crock Pot. Chicken, ham steak, Swiss cheese, dump sauce over it, walk away.

This time, the chicken didn't fall apart. I was pumped.

It tasted great. I became more pumped.

Hunter was less enthused.

"It probably would have been better, but why Swiss cheese?"

Hey, dummy. Why don't you look up what chicken cordon bleu is and then just admit I was right and you were wrong at any point after that, mmkay? Thanks.

Still, though, it rated "One Chicken" in the Mr. Cordon scale, which is a scale Hunter made up specifically for this dish. The key at the bottom of the white board told me that one chicken = great job.

Kids.

To the untrained eye, it's a lot of Swiss cheese.

Meal Five: Chicken Enchilada Soup

After the humiliation of Crockpasta and the lackluster response to Chicken Cordon Bleu, I wasn't really feeling it the next night. But I had green chilies, and green salsa, and chicken, and cream cheese, and green onions, and regular cheese, and so I threw it all in and thought, come on. I'm due here.

As it happens, pretty much any meal with chicken and cream cheese is a slam dunk in the Crock Pot Scale of Judgment, and not only did this one coast in with a rating of "HELL. YES.", Hunter also penciled it in for the next night's dinner.

We took the weekend off after all of that excitement. Next up: WEEK TWO!

The Scale of Crock Pot Judgment: