I marvel all the time that we have three teenagers between the two of us and they all get along so well.
We're truly blessed.
But I digress.
I had to work both jobs, so I didn't get to see him as much as I would have liked, but on my 80-minute break between jobs I went home to make him some birthday dessert.
Zane doesn't like cake. He's a very, very, very picky eater, in fact.
He also doesn't like fruit pies or cobblers.
The choices were narrowing quickly.
The first thing I looked up was baklava. I was very apprehensive about this, because it's a complicated dessert to make and I didn't want to blow it and kill his desire for yet another dessert for the rest of his life.
Thank God for Pinterest. I found an "easy" baklava pie that promised delicious results with no complication.
Still, a smart woman always has a back-up plan.
I found it in the form of no-bake Nutella cheesecake (also on Pinterest).
Let the obstacles commence!
First up: try living in a small town and finding phyllo dough (a staple of baklava). After striking out at Wal-Mart and Sam's both, I assumed it wouldn't be anywhere. I was pleasantly surprised to find it during a last-ditch search at a local grocery store.
Obstacle One: DOWN.
Secondly, the Nutella cheesecake called for a crushed Oreo cookie crust.
Zane also doesn't like Oreos.
I altered the recipe in my mind to a sort of Nutella pudding. It should work, I figured. If it tastes good enough, you really only need a spoon anyway.
Obstacle Two: DOWN.
Side note: the baklava called for FOUR CUPS of walnuts. I figure the cost of making this to be somewhere in the 30 dollar range, which would be great if it turned out well. I wasn't feeling great about it.
The next problem happened when I mixed up the Nutella "pudding." I had bought a smallish jar of Nutella so that I wouldn't tap into Zane's everyday supply for the recipe, and it called for two thirds of a cup. I recommend leaving Nutella in your car for several hours if you want to use it in a recipe. Very pourable.
So I poured the two thirds in, added the brick of cream cheese and container of Cool Whip (I used extra creamy, because I care like that), and mixed.
Then I tasted it.
It tasted like brown cream cheese, which is to say it tasted like cream cheese.
I HATE cream cheese.
In order to get the taste out of my mouth, I had to throw back a quick shot of Nutella from the still-warm jar. Then I went ahead and poured the rest of that in the bowl and mixed again.
Still no good. This was supposed to be the easy recipe!
I don't cook much. My go-to recipes are all in casserole form, although I love making desserts.
Easy desserts. My berry cobbler is a slam-dunk. I can make it in my sleep.
Why can't the kid like berry cobbler?
Then, inspiration. As a seasoned bullshitter in the kitchen, I have learned that some ingredients save you every time.
I opened the cabinet and pulled out my secret weapon.
A good dousing of powdered sugar and another solid mix later, I had my finished product.
Obstacle Three: DOWN.
Damn, that Nutella pudding was good. But it could stand up by itself and was, as you can imagine, very rich.
I needed a crust.
Inspiration hit AGAIN. I had crushed graham crackers!
I told myself, ok, mix with butter, throw in the oven for a few minutes, spread Nutella on top, and BAM! Dessert.
I don't know how this got lost in translation in my mind. It was totally simple on paper.
I mixed the crust, I spread it on the bottom of the pan, and then I immediately tried to spread the Nutella on top.
Yep. Didn't happen. The whole thing rolled together in a huge mess.
I hadn't baked the crust first.
Well, I thought to myself as I looked at the ball of crap that my beautiful recipe had become, just mix the graham cracker crust in with the pudding and make a NEW graham cracker crust to spread the whole mess on!
Obstacle Four: DOWN.
So I did that. And Zane sampled a mixer paddle's worth, as well as the remainder in the bowl, and proclaimed it to be very good.
No-Bake Nutella Cheesecake (modified): ACHIEVED.
About this time I remembered that I was supposed to make the no-bake dessert while I was waiting for the baklava to come out of the oven. I hadn't made the baklava yet.
Dang it.
Let's talk phyllo dough. Ever used it? I had heard it was quite thin. After holding up the first sheet, I thought, thin is right! Geez, I don't know if I can use this without tearing it!
I slapped it down on the bottom of the real-butter-greased pie pan (gotta use real butter, just ask the ants if you don't believe me. Google it.). Then I realized, upon seeing the edge, that it was actually four sheets stuck together.
Ever tried to pull apart phyllo dough when you've already slapped it onto a buttered glass dish?
HAHAHAHAHA.
So I made a mess. But one sheet remained largely intact. I didn't know what to do with the three mangled sheets so I stuffed them into my mouth.
Not bad.
I only ruined about six more after that. None went to waste.
Obstacle Five: DOWN.
I was also feeling pretty sick at that point. But I soldiered on.
This "easy" baklava pie calls for a layer of phyllo, brushed with melted butter, topped with a layer of crushed walnut mixed with brown sugar and cinnamon. Repeat layers until you get to the top.
I did all that. I tucked the edges. And I put it in the oven.
At this point, I was running out of time before I had to be at Job Two.
The recipe called for a 45-minute bake time. I decided, given the ingredients, that 37 minutes seemed much more appropriate to my situation.
The recipe also called for sugar, honey and water brought to a boil and then poured over the finished product.
I also recommend that, when you leave the Nutella in the car for the afternoon, throw the honey in there too. Very pourable.
So after 37 minutes, I pulled the thing out, poured the boiling sticky topping on it, remembered to turn the oven off, and felt like the greatest kitchen success story in all of time.
When I got home from work six hours later, I had a piece of the baklava. More accurately, I sawed off a chunk.
Definitely texture issues.
All in all, I would say it could have gone worse. The important thing was, he didn't care at all.
Happy birthday, kid.
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| "Easy" Baklava |
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| Nutella Cheesecake |
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